Tuesday, January 21, 2014

You're calling it what?!?

"Well, THAT'S an uncomfortable title for a blog." Yes.  "No one will read THAT." We'll see. "What's the story behind the name?" I'm so glad you asked...

The short version is that "unremarkable" is a term used by medical examiners when they've found nothing to remark on during an autopsy.  It's usually preceded by the name of the body part they've just examined. In MY situation, the term "Vagina Unremarkable" was written on my mother's autopsy report. In normal (read-uptight, boring, humorless) families, an autopsy report is NOT something to find humor in. I'm grateful every day to not be a part of one of those. My, predominately female-oriented, family is the type that has no qualms about irreverent humor. We've been finding it in everything for as long as Kinsey has been searching for the G-spot. This is not to say that we're mentally deficient in any way and are incapable of sadness. When the situation warrants it we can be full of woe just like everyone else....but that can get tedious rather quickly. We love life and know how short it is. Plus we're freaking hysterical....so there's that.

Believe me when I say that I was not looking for anything funny in Mom's autopsy report....it was actually my husband (now ex) who pointed it out.  It arrived in the mail a couple months after her unexpected death. I was looking for answers when I scanned it quickly, found the cause of death and tossed it aside. I was angry at her and truth be told, still am. He picked it up and after a few moments I heard a soft chuckle.

"What the hell is SO funny?!", I hissed.
"Read this part", he said as he pointed to the M.E.'s notes.
And there, big as day, were the words, "Vagina Unremarkable".....I started to giggle...
"Oh my god.....she'd be SO pissed!!!!"

At this point, I should mention that not only are the women in my family hilarious, we also like sex and fancy ourselves quite good at it. I think it's safe to say that my mother would be horrified to have someone call her vagina unremarkable..."I HAVE REFERENCES, DAMMIT!!!", is probably what she proffer.

So, yes, it's an odd title and yes, referencing my mother's intimate anatomy isn't polite cocktail party conversation fodder but it strikes me funny and in the end, that's all that really matters.

***Disclaimer: I've been encouraged by more people than I care to count to start writing....so this is my chosen vehicle for that. Future blog posts may contain pretty much anything that would have made your great-grandmother blush. We're all adults so what's the big deal? If you're not an adult, then you've probably heard worse things on the playground. But then there may be times when I decide to "behave" and just write about kittens and duckies. Doubt it....but it could happen. Basically, if you're prone to walking oddly due to your panties being all twisted up in your nethers, then please....move along.  There's nothing for you to see here.


  1. Hilarious blog name! In blog-land you will be known by it and it will be on name tags one day, you poor thing, but as long as you keep laughing. And you will attract interesting spam forever and always.

    Can't wait to read more!

  2. "Interesting Spam" will be my next one. :)

  3. You just totally made me laugh out loud...can't wait to read more.

  4. I'm so glad, Peg! This has been a long time coming so I've got lots to say. Not sure if that's good or bad. ;)

  5. Thanks to you, my last dying thought will now be "I wish I had shoved something interesting up my vagina"

    1. In order to post my last comment, I had to type in the capcha "going enormous"


    2. There are no coincidences.

    3. And regarding your last dying thought....well then this blog has not been in vain.