Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Online Dating

When I started to check out dating sites, it was with the intention of just cutting through the BS and finding some people to hang out with. I wasn't looking for any No Strings Attached kind of scenarios...just a buddy to go to the movies with or maybe dancing. Besides, I was 'separated', not officially divorced. In this day and age it's getting harder and harder to find dates. I'm not a bar fly, do not attend church and my work scenarios do not lend themselves to finding available men for social outings. So that leaves the internet. The stigma that used to accompany this new fad is slowly fading which is a good thing. No one should be ashamed to admit that they're lives are so busy that the only viable dating option is meeting someone online. 

I tried one of the more popular sites first, to no avail. Don't get me wrong, I went on some nice dates and a few clunkers but the site itself just didn't do it for me. Its name honestly escapes me at the moment...THAT'S what kind of impression it made, I guess. But I totally remember the second one. They all want you to write a biography of your age, height, weight, interests, goals, blah blah blah. Mine started out as innocuous as the rest which I quickly learned was a HUGE mistake. In this realm of WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) it's best to be totally honest in your bio...this is your one chance to show who you are (or a reasonable facsimile thereof within the confines of a 300 word report). When you're not, you are not allowed to complain that "there's no one out there". 

If you've never had the opportunity or the pleasure of reading hundreds of men's bios, let me enlighten you. It's a very safe bet that there will be pictures of at least 3 of the following:

1. man with dead animal (fish, deer, moose, bear etc)
2. man bare-chested in bathroom mirror taking pic with cellphone
3. man with anonymous buxom woman/women at a bar
4. man at sports event
5. man with his mother (wtf? Ok, I get it, you're a devoted son, but still)
6. man with his kids (seriously??? Do not put pics of your kids on these sites!)
7. man in high end sports car that he probably doesn't even own
8. MAN ON HARLEY (personal fave....no bio is complete without it)

So after a few more dates (very few), I chose to update my bio. A couple friends swore that this new version was "social suicide". I disagreed and defended it by pointing out that anyone brave enough to slog through it and still think that a date with me was a good idea was probably a 'keeper'. In the interest of full disclosure there was a period of about 2 weeks after I posted that all you could hear were crickets chirping. But then ever so slowly came the responses...only about 5, if memory serves. That proved to be four more than necessary, but I digress. :)  

I know my profile says I "want to date but nothing serious"...that's because I couldn't find an option for "I'd-like-to-date-for-now-because-I'm-not-in-a-rush-to-dive-into-another-longterm-relationship-but-if-we-really-hit-it-off-then-I'm-sure-I'd-change-my-mind-so-let's-just-take-it-step-by-step-and-see-what-happens-ok?" (Are there any sites that have that? Because THAT would be awesome.) It also USED to say "Divorced" because that's what I was supposed to be by now....so if the fact that I seem to be living in limbo (for a little while longer anyway) is an issue for you then please pass me by, thanks. You should also know that if your profile says "must not be married" I will take this literally and NOT make first contact with you.
I stay busy with my photography, part-time jobs and kids (50/50 custody) and yet I manage to still make time for fun. I like spending time with friends, camping, traveling, attending live theater, going to concerts (rock, country, Latin, zydeco etc)....actually I'm up for just about anything. I WILL draw the line at spelunking, noodling or wrangling cats.
I live my life with no regrets. Plenty of mistakes...but no regrets. I'm ok with the reality of something not working out but find the idea of not even trying unacceptable. I'm fairly blunt in my opinions on things and not terribly shy about sharing them. I lean hard to the left in regards to politics...with a few notable exceptions. I want this known upfront just in case this is an issue for anyone. I'm the type who says things most people just think. I won't make concessions for who I am and would like to find a guy who isn't scared off. That being said, I'm also generous, outgoing, compassionate, romantic and upbeat. I'm thoroughly comfortable in anything from an evening gown and heels to my favorite jeans and boots. I can hold my own on a construction site as well as a formal event.
I'm looking for someone who's confident, intelligent, witty, romantic, fun-loving, trustworthy, secure, honest and a REALLY good conversationalist to spend some time with....that's not TOO much to ask, is it? If you can cook then your stock just went up...I could stand to gain a few pounds (not many women will admit THAT). I've just ended an 15+ yr relationship so I'm not 'fishing' for a husband....just a guy with SOME similar interests who's not afraid of a strong-willed, outspoken woman with a wicked sense of humor.
Please be employed and not living with your parents (unless it's a fairly recent AND temporary thing that we can blame the economy for). You don't have to be a fitness zealot but someone who takes care of himself and is in good shape would be great also. If you possess, even the slightest, misogynistic, racist, sexist or homophobic qualities then please do NOT contact me. "Victims" and men with entitlement issues should avoid me as well. Just being honest, gentlemen.
After reading this some of you might consider me a challenge and you may even feel that you're up for it. Just make sure that the little voice in your head isn't your ego throwing you under the bus. I'd really hate to see someone get their feelings and/or pride bent out of shape because they thought that all I really needed was a good man to set me straight. What I NEED is a "partner in crime".

Suffice it to say that the online dating medium is a quagmire of scary, interesting and/or downright amazing experiences. But if you're dedicated and honest about yourself, you CAN end up with a happy ending. You'll hear more about mine some other time.  

1 comment:

  1. I feel fortunate to have found my partner prior to the whole online dating experience. Looks terrifying, despite the successes I've known several people to have had.

    Excellent bio. I'm sure it weeded out many ill-suited candidates.